Nickie Campbell

I'll begin by saying we have all felt pain at some point in our lives but it is the after effect that leaves us scarred and broken. When I was younger I made many bad decisions. I loved too quickly and held on to the wrong men. I was naive and lost. When you’re younger you think 'I have all the time in the world' and 'if you make dumb decisions you have time to fix them'. I always thought I was good at sorting things out myself, but then when some challenging times came around, I wanted to run and hide. I was someone who liked to bury everything and would treat others badly as a result of my brokenness. I would be in pain and no one would know, but my attitude really stank a lot as a result of it. I ran from one bad decision to the next(meaning men). I drank and smoked weed for most of my 20’s as a result of my unhappiness. I hate alcohol tremendously, but I drank it to try to hide the pain and to fit in with my friends who loved to drink. As I got older depression and loneliness sank in more. I felt like life was happening all around me but I was just trying to make it through the day. Life at times was hard and I just smiled through it, but I felt broken inside. Everyone knew I liked to smile and have a laugh but they didn’t know the real story behind my silliness. I had a child early and though I never regretted my son he was the result of a poor decision of mine with the choice of the wrong partner. For many years I blamed myself because of how others treated me. I thought it had to be my fault that people acted that way but the truth is you cannot blame yourself for other people’s poor behaviour and actions. When I look at how I had treated them, I realise I was never the problem, it was them. Human beings hurt others when they themselves have been hurt. It’s a domino effect. The cycle can only be broken with Jesus. When I started EICC nothing made sense to me. I was in my early 20’s and had so many questions. But when I asked those questions - you know the ones you have been storing up for the right time - I felt I had received all my answers and I felt at peace. This was the peace I never had growing up and was craving in my teens. I knew I had the Lord's peace and not worldly peace. When I say not worldly, I mean peace that is temporary. Many times before I chose to live for Christ I thought I had peace but that wasn’t the case. I still felt tormented and still clung to drinking and smoking. I didn’t enjoy my day to day life and when I laughed, it was because I had pain and brokenness in my heart. I was hiding away from people asking me questions about what was going on. I now laugh because I am truly happy and have peace. I received this peace because I decided to give my life to Christ and to cling to him and not choose society’s normalities. I am grateful for His love and all He has done for me.