Esther Dankwah-Coffie

Before I came to EICC at the age of 19 I was a hot mess. I had grown up in a house where my parents were struggling to keep the peace and I had seen or heard on many occasions, physical fights that were very unsettling. The difficulties my parents were going through meant that there was a lack of supervision for me and my siblings. I began to access more and more inappropriate material that began to consume me, leaving me struggling to control myself. Don’t get me wrong my parents did what they could in their situation but another byproduct of my home life meant I had a big gaping hole that needed to be filled. I was very unhappy, emotionally unstable and eager to be loved. My anger grew because my parents were Pastors and I couldn’t grasp my head around what was going on at home. I was really good at pretending because although this is how I felt nobody knew it. I excelled in school, was always fun loving and was very creative naturally. Once I got to secondary school I decided to do whatever it took to make me happy. I started dressing like a guy, raving, getting drunk, meeting guys and dressing inappropriately and I didn’t care. I would walk the streets aimlessly just so I could be away from my home life. I remember spending hours at friends houses bussing jokes because it helped me to forget my pain in that moment. The irony was the more I got involved in these things the sadder I became. The longing for attention meant I put myself in very dangerous situations at times and I would always try and do things that were out there just so I could be the centre of attention and feel unique. There were times I wanted to commit suicide and most of all I remember the sharp pain that used to burn in my chest whenever I would cry in my room if I had been rejected by a guy, a relationship had not worked out or I was battling my dad because he was very strict and was doing his very best to control my behaviour. I’m grateful for that as I know I would have lost myself further if it had not been for his harshness. I bumped into God through a friend who shared her life with me and the changes God had made with her. I was in university at the time studying law which was going nowhere. I started going to the youth group and was struck by how honest everyone was. You see many times we try and hide who we are or what we’re going through but this was my salvation. The fact that all these young people boldly spoke about their previous gang life, taking of drugs, selling drugs, sleeping around etc. It made me feel like okay so many people are struggling I’m not alone. I kept going and enjoyed the services especially the music and dancing. That’s what always drew me to raving. I could forget my issues for a time on the dance floor. I realised that the more I got involved and took God more seriously the more I began to change and drop my old ways. I started wanting to do well on my course and become more stable. Most of all I now had explanations from the teachings in church and God speaking personally to me for the things that took place in my home. This helped me to forgive my parents and forgive myself for the mess. I was able to keep letting go of past hurts and pains so that the chest pain I used to feel finally left me. When I was struggling I was supported financially, with food, travelling so much so that I could keep going. Unfortunately I did not get a degree because it was difficult for me to pick myself up but years later through dreams and direction I was able to complete two Masters which I passed and start a career in the social care field. I am grateful for God bringing me to EICC. I cannot exchange the emotional resilience I have received, patience, love and wanting to give back to others with anything. I am content with life and have a family of my own now which is something I could never imagine being able to have.